Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
