Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
