I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
