Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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