the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
