Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When are your genitals available?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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