I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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