Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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