There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
