Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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