Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
