Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
