Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im holly from the hills drunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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