Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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