You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
