im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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