I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
