OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
