You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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