Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
