Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
