what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
