So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
