i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
