My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
