dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
