420 ftw
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
