All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well I can't set my house on fire every night
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
