He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
