i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
