He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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