Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
