With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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