I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
