i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
this hospital has no fireball
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
