If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
