I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
