don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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