about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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