from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
