He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
