ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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