Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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