Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk is not a location!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
