I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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