i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your penis caused this!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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