Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
