I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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