I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
