No awkward lesbian experiences without me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
