need another drink. this is the easiest way
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
