"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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