she smelled like a LAN party
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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