omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
worst night to have a conscience
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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