tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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